My girls:
Sometimes, admitting failings can be cathartic, allowing us to let go and move forward. I've decided to share with you one of my miserable failings, hoping I may now be able to conquer it, and hoping you won't suffer the same way I do. Let me just get it out right now, and then we'll talk:
I am your mother. And I have a stack of single socks.
I know, I know - you're embarrassed, and if there was anything I could do to spare you, I would. But alas, it's not to be. Your mother hoards socks.
It isn't that I want to hoard socks. I don't have a thing for them or collect them for their future value - nothing like that. It's just that, once I lose a sock, I can't ever bring myself to throw the other one away. And unfortunately, I have lost many, many socks.
The problem started when I began to do your Dad's laundry. I would put the socks in the washer, pull them out of the dryer, and a few would be mysteriously without pairs. Every so often, we would find a single sock hiding in the closet or beside the washing machine. For the most part, the sock pairs would come back eventually, and I took to keeping five or ten single socks in a box on the dryer. I would check them every so often and, when I was lucky, would find pairs.
Well, then you girls came along. We had an explosion of pink socks. Suddenly, pink socks began to disappear. You would think since I had so many pink socks that I could pair them up, even if they weren't with their original pairs. But no, I quickly discovered that my favorite place to shop for kid's clothing, Gymboree, changed the color of pink slightly each time they came out with a new line. No one pair were exactly the same shade as the next. I would find myself pondering ten single pink socks, all slightly different shades and impossible to pair up. To add to the shame, you girls began to grow up and I then had pink socks of different shades in every size from infant to, now, five years old.
I thought it might help if I started branching out to aqua, brown, prints, different lengths - but it wasn't to be. My single sock pile continues to grow.
I've now taken the first steps toward my recovery by tossing socks that are too small, hopelessly stained, or damaged. I try not to be paranoid, but I think once the singles know their mate is gone, they re-appear to taunt me.
I'm not exactly certain how the socks know to disappear, or why they prefer to remain in the box rather than be worn. Are they rebelling because I don't do the laundry quickly enough? Is it that they want me to rescue their friends from the store, so they think by losing themselves I'll have to go purchase more of them? Or, perhaps the stores deliberately pair up socks of different dye lots that look the same until you put them into the washing machine. They then come out different colors, and you have to go back to buy more. Maybe that's it.
But, no, in order to begin my road to recovery, I have to take responsibility for what I've done. The fact is, I lose one sock from each pair. I do it every time I do laundry. I am completely ashamed and I hope you girls will find it in your hearts to forgive me someday.
Let me offer you some advice so you don't have the same problem:
1. Never, never do anyone else's laundry. Plan to have a laundress employed at your home, or send the laundry out. Tell your husband/boyfriend/children you are allergic to laundry and can't even touch it.
2. When you have children, purchase one year's socks at a time, and buy them all in the same color. That way, when you lose one from each pair, you'll still have half the pairs left, and so on.
3. Don't fear throwing singles away after a few months. They are just socks!
4. Perhaps by the time you are adults, they will have invented one-use socks. Get them and use them if you can. Or better yet, invent them yourselves!
5. If you're really hard-up for socks, wear two different ones and tell your friends it's "the style." Chances are, they are victims too and will support you without judgement.
6. Consider getting sock tattoos. That way, you'll always look like you have a matched pair even if you've run out of options at home.
Much love,
Mommy
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