Darling Daughters:
You girls have already become addicts to advertising. Yes, I let you watch TV a little bit each day and I know you'll be in years of therapy because of it. For the most part, I let you watch what you want unless or until I see gratuitous violence or content that I think is beyond your years. Lately, I'm more inclined to put on a video rather than let you watch the tube, but there are those days when you want to see some new Scooby Doo or Dora, and therefore, you are exposed to the wonderful world of TV Advertising.
To make matters worse, I get a few catalogs in the mail just about every day, and you girls love to hang out on the black couch in the living room, poring over the glossy pages and commenting on the toys, books, and pretty things you'd like to have for yourselves. Sophie- as young as you are, you've figured out how to justify any purchase, a skill that, while annoying at the moment, will come in handy someday! Izz - you're more particular, but you want things that are well beyond your years.
The thing I find so interesting is that the ad exec's have figured out how to draw you in already. You girls love to see commercials and ads because they make you believe your life is incomplete without the thing being hawked in the ad. I get that. Me too, sometimes.
A few months ago, I finally broke down and bought you guys these ridiculous waxed strings that were advertised to be the next best thing to crayons. You're supposed to sculpture the strings by coiling and bending them into literally unlimited small creatures, food items, pasties, vacation homes, and alternative fuel vehicles. OK - I didn't buy those claims, knowing that you girls were unlikely to build anything particularly useful, but I admit to believing they might just be "hours of fun!"
The thing that really annoys me is that, as an adult, I should know better than to believe that anything that sticks to itself well enough to sculpture and hold it's shape is not likely to be "mess free." I'm irked that I read and re-read the package about ten times, looking at that phrase "mess free" over and over again, and still bought the item after you begged me incessantly for months and I was out of ideas for keeping you occupied.
We brought them home, unsealed the package, and I started to separate the waxed strings from the cellophane. Low and behold...the wax not only left an icky, slimy mess on my hands, but by the end of the play session, you not only failed to build the Taj Mahal, but there was icky, slimy stuff all over my kitchen counter tops, your hands, faces, and clothing. Furthermore, the smell was awful.
Now, being the normal children you are, you didn't care about the mess or the smell. You were, however, disappointed that your artistic efforts resulted in tangled masses of odd-colored spaghetti and meatballs instead of perfectly executed, color-appropriate couture fashion. (Yo - Project Runway - I feel a challenge coming on!)
It was me who, packing up the remainder of waxed string to "donate" to an unsuspecting charity, was chagrined at the fact that the company claimed it to be a no-mess toy that turned out to be, well, messy. They didn't completely disappoint me, though, since I thought the "mess" would be crumbled wax all over my floor, and that did not happen. No - it was the sticky ick that turned out to be the messy stuff.
OK- changing gears for a minute. The government went after the makers of Pom pomegranite juice this week, for claiming health benefits from their product that have no scientific proof. There will always be the "it" items that may or may not work, depending upon your chemistry and the company's desire to sell it's product. Many of them don't do what they are advertised to do. Some will. But, why is the government spending thousands of our tax dollars going after a product that won't likely ruin our lives, rather than investment companies, tobacco manufacturers, drug companies, and their own failed programs? Really - isn't that sort of a waste?
Yes, I have a point. Let me get to it now.
Your desires can sometimes supersede your common sense. But, common sense is not only instinct, but also intelligence based upon history and knowledge. The "knowledge" I'd like you to start with is this:
- All ads are meant to get you to buy something. I don't care how sincere the pitch, or what the product claims to do. Just because something is shiny and new doesn't mean it works.
- Claims are just that, claims.
- The people in ads or infomercials are always, always paid. Those folks may, in fact, benefit from the product, but you have no way of knowing, so ignore that advice and look for other types of evidence.
- When you choose to purchase something, do it because you have the disposable cash, and because the product may enrich your life. Know what your budget is. Take advice from friends and family. Do the research.
- Keep mental track of what you buy that doesn't work, and stop supporting those companies with your dollars. There are certain mascara manufacturers that I won't buy from anymore because they re-package their products every year and make new claims about how luscious your lashes will be, while showing you computer-enhanced images of false lashes that grow magically before your eyes instead of showing you real lashes with real results.
- If an ad claim seems so good you can't resist it, try to resist it.
- Know that you are fallible. Ads are meant to appeal to your innermost desires, and ad companies do a stellar job at it. Even with the best education and brain smarts, you will make purchasing mistakes. Just try not to repeat yourselves.
So, I'm sorry I won't be buying the sand that never gets wet, or the clay that stays fresh for decades. I might purchase a doll or two, but not the really expensive one that talks in a cute voice, sings, poops, and really does love you. I won't lay money down for any ride-on toy that has an accelerator. I won't buy the deluxe makeup set and hair salon so you can start your own business and be an entreprenuer by the time you're 8. I will not buy any moresets guaranteed to teach you how to read by the time you're out of diapers, or to have you speaking Mandarin before you can say "Mommy." I will not believe any ad that says a battery operated machine can make an authentic French croissant, cotton candy, or real snow cones that don't taste like stale freezer air. I will turn a blind eye to anything that is both a pet, a pillow, a sleep sack, and also doubles as an easy-fold, multi-room tent. And, I'm cancelling the movie club right after I fulfill the purchase requirement.
By the way, Izz - I think it's very clever that you told the high-pressure hermit-crab seller that you wanted to purchase a few to take home and eat. That's really the only good reason to bring a live crab into the house.
Your loving, over-protective, and really mean Mommy
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