My darling girls:
I was thinking about Super-Glue this weekend. When you get Super-Glue on your fingers and then press them together, they stick, right? What's the next thing you do?
I don't know what you do - maybe you are calm, cool, and collected in the face of fingers stuck together. What do I do? I pull them apart. I don't just try to pull them apart - my fingers panic and they pull apart all by themselves, no matter how hard I try to stop them. In fact, because my fingers are so intent on being apart, they don't really care if they have to tear themselves up to do it. A little bit 'o thumb on my forefinger; a little smidge of forefinger on my thumb.
This has me thinking about human nature and what happens to us when faced with uncomfortable changes. And, it has me thinking about how I personally react to that feeling.
As I've grown, educated myself, experienced more, and take more calculated risks with my life, my first response to being trapped isn't panic anymore. More often, I shake my head a little, roll my eyes, and think, "Fuck me!" (Yes, Virginia, I do use the "F" word occasionally.) Then I figure out how much danger I'm in, what my options are, and extricate myself. (Lately, I'm also thinking about what the experience will look like in blog-form. Go figure!)
I suppose you might think, then, that you grow older and wiser, and therefore handle things better, but I don't really think that's always true. I also think that handling things well is situation-dependent. Anything you haven't thought through or experienced before can tend to bring on that same sense of panic. And of course, there's the Super-Glue factor - the idea that a permanent change to something you've taken for granted all your life is worthy of the most volatile reaction.
So, then I wonder whether I am now too restrained when it comes to extricating myself from difficult situations. Have I evolved so much as a human being that I no longer have that natural adrenaline, that response to get away when a threat appears? And why, in the face of something so benign as Super-Glued fingers, wouldn't I choose to just go upstairs, get the acetone, and calmly correct the situation? Why do glued fingers inspire such drastic human response?
I think in my mid-forties, I've come to trust myself well enough to know I can handle just about any situation. There isn't really much in life that remains mysterious to me if I'm interested in it, and I'm not afraid to explore things to which I once would have fearfully shut my eyes. And, having seen the circle of life play itself out so many times around me, I know that the worst possible result of any difficult situation is death, and that the chances of it are unlikely under most circumstances.
So, going back to the start of this dicussion - why do glued fingers still make me automatically want to pull them apart, in spite of the damage it causes? Is it because I know the pain and potential blood involved is survivable? Is it because the feeling of losing control over a lifelong relationship with my fingers is so uncomfortable that I have to get them back to normal, even if it means a painful process to get there?
I don't know the answers (yet), but I hope you'll take this away:
Educate yourselves on everything you can. Knowledge and experience help you evaluate difficult situations and react more appropriately. And, know that it isn't necessary to hurt yourself to get out of a sticky mess, but it helps to know that if you do, you'll survive.
With love,
Mommy
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